19 Crimes: The New Way to UnWine

Hey, yall! So sorry I have been soooo MIA lately but it has been for a good reason. DRUMROLL PLEASE: WE ARE MOVING TO NYC! Ahhh, I can not wait to bring you guys along with us for the ride, but to say its been a crazy AF time, would be an understatement!

Between all the recent travels back and forth plus our weekend work trips, a bish was in need to UNWINE… (get it?) Long overdue, tbh! My fave lately has been this 19 Crimes Cabernet. I can’t even remember the last time I just simply sat and sipped on a glass of wine… sans emails, sans WORK. Thankfully 19 Crimes saved the day.

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The traveling and the frenzy surrounding our move have really taken a toll on me and she knows no self care these days…le sigh.

I will say the few times we have planned for a good night in, Netflix and a wine sesh, we literally fall asleep on our couch within minutes… make-up on and all, yikes! So this time, we both said no more.  I grabbed my gratitude journal, actually sat down and simply chilled tf out.

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For some time now, our friends have suggested some wines to try, but as ya’ll know, two sips of alcohol and I’m out! AHAHA, so it’s been harder to find a wine that I can enjoy and actualllly finish. And when I say enjoy, I mean, thoroughly enjoy every sip. Many wines (to me) taste very alcohol-y and aren’t that pleasant.

But after some digging, bae and I found a bunch of reviews online about an interactive wine to sit, listen (I did just say listen, I know, weird, right? Just read on…), and unwind with. At first, the name didn’t register all that well and it wasn’t until we actually brought some home when it all came together. 19 Crimes, sounds a bit more like a novel and less like a wine brand, but it’s actually a bit of both, in a sense.

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Playing on the name, it really is criminal to taste that good, LOL… it definitely made me feel relaxed yet NOT sleepy.

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Maybe it was deep red blend of strong fruit flavors or the sweet blackberry hint, but it def had a nice balance on the taste buds. Smooth AF!

Bae was also loving it, and especially with the AR app, it really made for a fun night.

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Once you download The Living Wine Labels app, you get to scan the criminal on the front label and get to hear them tell their story about these 19 real world crimes that they partook in.

As the name suggests, 19 Crimes is really all about these short stories from prisoners who were sent to Australia. I don’t know about ya’ll, but I live for true crime, mysteries and cliffhangers, so as soon as bae and I heard the first story, we were so freaking hooked: such a fun spin on your classic glass of wine.

A message in a bottle so to speak…but these aren’t necessarily left in the past. Like I don’t geek out over many things, but this ingenious AR experience really makes that concept come to life. If you are having a bad day, escape reality for a bit, grab a 19 Crimes bottle, and hear stories that will make you want to pop open the next one.

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I know, right now, I’m like the last person to be talking about taking the time to simply pause and unwind, but I cannot stress enough just how much joy this little game/wine sesh brought. It really is the simple things.

Sometimes traditional escapism doesn’t cut it and we have to try new things that can come in different mediums, or in this case, experiences. At the moment, the whole move to the Big Apple has brought on so many doubts and anxieties but I am so excited…well, exhausted…but excited.

With so dang much to prepare and with such little time, I need to remind myself to let my hair down, more than once in a while and UNWINE. But this time, with 19 Crimes. Here’s to getting through stressful times, in the best ways we know how ❤

Although this post is sponsored by 19 Crimes, all opinions are my own. @19Crimes #LiveInfamously #19Crimes

How to *Honestly* Balance the 9-5 With a Side Hustle

As y’all know, ya girl is tired! HA. Working that 9-5, weekends, nights, and every hour in between ain’t easy!

…And whoever told ya it was, they’re lying! HA. In fact, I like to call it, one big, fat, messy, juggling act.

Like many of us, I initially created this space as an expressive outlet, a passion project, per se, to wind down after the 9-5. I knew “the dream” of building an online community and meaningful presence one day would require tons of sacrifice…  but dang, I really had no idea what that would eventually look like! And I think so many of us go into this blindly because we don’t actually have a frame of reference. We see these “glamorous” lifestyles of those in the influencer world while scrolling at our cubicles and wonder if we are destined for something greater. Blogging and IG gave me the freedom to explore those big questions and I am so entirely grateful. TIRED. BUT GRATEFUL. BUT I REPEAT, TIRED! HA..

At the end of the day, I DID ASK FOR THIS, we all did by signing up for it BUT since all I’ve ever heard were blanket statements as to how people really do make it work, I thought I would share the truth that I wish I heard, starting out.

The statements I always hear is that “time management” & “hard work” will be the trick! And althoughhh, there is truth to this, it is not always so black and white.

IT WILL VARY… IT WILL LOOK DIFFERENT FOR EVERYONE! From the start of my social media journey through hitting 10K, I was working full time in an environment that was extremely low maintenance and flexible. I had the time to work on my passions while in the office without disrupting my role within the company. In addition to the time, I also had the energy and mental capacity to continue working once I returned home. And ultimately, I was able to attain that work-life balance everyone aims for. This was not to say, that is was EASY managing both my full-time job and side hustle, BUT it wouldn’t have been fair to share with the world that “time management” was my secret sauce in balancing the two, when in reality, it was my particular circumstances that allowed me to do so.

Now a days, that is soooo not the case! My current role is completely hands on and 10000x more demanding. I do not have the time to check my phone or work on my side projects while in the office. I work M-F, and weekends, 12 hour days, long commutes, and thats just my full-time position! Blogging and IG legitimately take up every single hour in between, excluding 1am to 5am. TEAM NO SLEEP!

HOW I DO IT: HUSTLE YOUR TIRED LITTLE HEART OUT

I’ve juggled, up to 4 jobs at once in my time but never have I been more exhausted YET fulfilled in my entire life. It is such a time consuming grind but this passion of mine is legit what sets my soul on fire! When you are creating with PURPOSE, all of your energies are put forth; physical, mental, spiritual, and emotional. So slap on an extra 50-60 hour work week, it is likely you got one tired being! But what has kept my spirit ALIVE is the love I have for my craft. The itch I have to create and connect with others, keeps me afloat. But I know this is not for everyone. The amount of sacrifice and dedication this juggling act takes, is insane. Free time, who?!?! HAHA.

But I know it will all be worth while! There won’t just be some late nights and early mornings, but prepare to have ALL of your nights be late, and ALL of your mornings be early. Ya girl is tired AFFFF but also sooo freaking happy that I found the path that God has chosen for me! In the beginning, I honestly had no effing idea just how much work goes into this! I mean, posting photos of yourself? How hard can that actually be? LMAO! ….HARD. When your intent is to build an authentic community on here, you have to be willing to open your entire heart and soul to the world. Not only are you aiming to create beautiful content, but you are exploring what exactly your purpose is, and what about yourself makes you stand out from the rest. Its an emotional rollercoaster at times, because these are pressing questions that may take a lifetime for some to discover. But if you know in your heart, this is the path that makes you happy, liberated, excited, challenged, etc etc, you must go after it! And with force, tenacity, faith, and purpose! YOU WILL BE TIRED, IT WILL NOT BE EASY, BUT IF YOU WANT IT BAD ENOUGH, YOU WILL WORK TOWARDS THE BIGGER PICTURE.

WHAT IS THE BIGGER PICTURE?

Ever since I was a little girl, I knew I wanted a platform that served. I wanted to share my voice with the world. In those days, when I say voice, I actually mean, my vocal talents. My dad was a musician and his love for music had evidently passed onto me. As a baby, I would rehearse songs, before I could even make out full sentences. Up until college, this is what I knew for sure. I wanted to spread joy through my soulful sounds. But as college gave me other avenues to explore, my passion shifted into Sports and Entertainment Broadcasting. I fell in love with the idea of spreading relief from all of the ugliness in the world. But as I was finding my way in that industry, my morale suffered. That industry was a beast in itself. It wasn’t really what you knew, but who you knew.  Although, I was working for a large network, the ability to move up the ranks seemed utterly impossible. What was the use of having so much passion for a field, and the desire to share my knowledge with others, when the accessibility to do so was so slim. Rejection offer after rejection offer, it came to a point where I said, “if I can’t find my way in, I will make a way of my own.” And THIS is where my life AND perspective shifted. I already had a following on social media, how about, I create a sports/entertainment podcast from my home studio? I had the necessary equipment but, as I was drafting ideas, my life was shook TF up by a dramatic break up. So, once the dust settled, I began a new chapter of my life, singlehood! Fast forward a couple of months later and then my dad passes away. It was a crazy ass time. As a way of coping, I began journaling my experiences. After some push from my best friend, I finally channeled those thoughts onto WordPress AKA this blog! At the time, I had no idea if anyone would even care what I had to say. Ah, two years later, here we are! I’ve connected with so many souls and it all started here. ..sharing my unfiltered voice and experiences with the world.  This was what I was aiming to do… my entire life! This is where I am meant to be! I love it with my entire heart and soul! So long story long, my big picture, is to be able to do this full-time and inspire/connect with as many souls as possible! Until then…

CORPORATE WORLD-BY DAY

When I say, I have the best tribe out there, I truly mean it! I hear my phone buzz every few minutes and there is like this innate urge to want to respond and connect with every single message in that exact moment. But in my current workspace, 9/10 times that’s just not possible, UGH! This legit eats at me throughout the day. Ever since I was young, I’ve been notorious for “socializing” too much and like, not responding to my peeps in those moments, makes me feel just gross, HA!

During the few free moments I have while in the office, AKA water breaks, restroom breaks, etc. I’m like a ninja. It’s almost a game of mine, at this point. How many messages can I get to in the 1 minute walk to the restroom? How many comments can I respond to while sitting down on the toilet? How many emails can I sort through while buying food for lunch?

Once the work day is over, and after the almost 2 hour commute home, the real work begins.

From 6:30pm-1am is work mode.

BLOGGER-BY NIGHT

There are so many nights, where the work day has physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually depleted my energies. Some nights, all I want to do is Netflix & Chill with my little family or legit just knock out. But I understand, that is no longer an option. If I want to live out this dream as much as I say I do, I need to put in the work. But again, this is not to say, “time management will be key” but more like, “be prepared to spend every waking hour, grinding towards your dream!”

Once I walk through that door, I change hats and begin the blog grind. Dinner is usually eaten with both my laptop and phone in hand. Many times, if bae and I know we are crunched for time and especially if a post is due at a certain time that evening, dinner is often pushed to the side lines.

I usually schedule out my posts for the week, but this can vary depending on the commute home, brand approvals, etc.

Lets say a post of mine is scheduled for tonight at 8pm. All day, bae and I are sending edits of the photo back and forth. Once, I am home at 6:30, I finally get the chance to truly connect with y’all! In the midst of this, we are sometimes, frantically getting the post ready.

Once the post goes live, I reply to DMs & comments/working on a blog post until usually midnight. From midnight until 1am, I am responding to emails and/or bae and I are planning our next shoot.

In an industry where, lighting and looking glam is everything (well not everything but uber important) shooting after work, post sunset and/or when you look entirely wrecked after a long day, is not really an ideal situation. And this is not to say, many of us don’t find ways to shoot M-F buttttt again, it’s not ideal.

SOME WAYS THAT WE HAVE SHOT DURING THE WEEK:

+ Take note of when your office will be having early closures. Mine usually has one 1x a month so its not common but when they do, I try to schedule one massive shoot before sundown.

+Transition into shooting indoors. Again, the lighting or lack thereof, can be an issue here but I would suggest either purchasing professional lighting equipment for your house or shoot first thing in the AM.  For our recent Valentine’s Day Shoot, we did just this. Since bae and I both work long days, we were  not able to style this shoot until 9PM. We finished setting up at 1AM. 4 hours of ballon blowing, measurements of the roses, taping, light testing, etc. Since it was getting late, we decided to leave everything on the bed, sleep on the couch and shoot before we left for work in the morning. Needless to say, we only slept a few hours in order to get the shot in time! LOL, the full time struggs!

So again, it is doable but if you are a full-timer, weekends will mean everything!

WEEKENDS

I usually work every Saturday so yet again, my weekends are limited… but I try to schedule my shoots for the weekend on Friday evening. Depending on how many collabs I have to shoot, I either split my outfits between the two days or solely shoot them all on one. I try my best to give myself one full day of “rest” but working Saturdays, kind of eliminates that option. Sundays are usually the day, we wake up early, location scout, shoot, edit, and post in the evening. And the process begins again for the week.

LEARNING WHEN TO SAY NO AND REST

UGH! So although, the hustle is real! So is fatigue and burnout! I’m really the last person who should be giving advice about this but I am here to tell y’all that I’ve FELTTTT the repercussions of not properly doing this. It can actually be really scary, how quickly your body and mental health can deteriorate. I see it like this; if you are constantly “producing” and “creating” you are pouring a bit of yourself each and every time. But if you are not watering the pot, nourishing it with Vitamin Sleep, soon enough, it’ll leave you dry. Dry of creativity, motivation, etc etc. We are NOT machines that just “do,” we are physical beings that require regeneration. And I, along with many others, associate rest with unproductiveness, especially when we have a lot on our plate, but this is the biggest fallacy. When I actually force myself to stay home and rest, (yes I say force) I legit feel lighter. I feel refreshed. And just inspired AF. So rest thy body, sis!

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So, do I have this bullet point list on what you can do to juggle both? NOPE. Because it will vary on a case by case basis. And I’m still trying to figure it out. SOME WILL HAVE IT EASIER THAN OTHERS! SO DON’T GET WRAPPED UP IN THE COMPARISON GAME. Your productivity does not determine your worth! And for a long time, this “balance” may not be ideal, hell, there might not even be real balance at all…but I’d like to think, this is a work in progress. What I can say is that, though, this will take so much sacrifice, if you give this every single thing you have, it WILL all be worth it! I just know it! So, whatever it is that you’re in pursuit of, manifest that sh*t every single day and watch it unfold! OKURRR.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Power of Energy Management

Although I consider myself a religious person, I find that spirituality is almost just as important. I would like to preface this piece with that: almost all of my life, I’ve strived to be at as many places that I could, all at once. Every since I could remember, I have made myself available in times when I’m the most busiest.

Lets say, I was invited to two sleepovers on the same night, I would make sure I attended both. I vividly remember, as a kid in swim practice, having this sudden urge to learn piano…the next day my dad enrolled me into lessons. Once I was enrolled, I then had the interest to begin Karate. Once I began karate, I then wanted to join show choir. My days were always jam packed! With all these groups, I met so many people! But I somehow became the person everyone gossiped to. I was often times the peace maker among my friends or the person others would turn to for advice. I noticed fairly early on, I would take on friends’ problems as if they were my own. I was always fully invested in my inner circle. If I saw anyone was treated unfairly, I would stand up for them, and often times, involved myself in drama, I was not even originally apart of.  So all this to say, I have grown into excelling in the craft of spreading myself way too thin.

I mean, once high school and college came around, I was a mess! And when I say mess, I’d like to clarify. I have lived the most organized, yet unorganized life. With such a heavy schedule, I have always been one to plan ahead. I jotted down every single commitment I had in daily planners, yet only allotted maybe 5-6 hours of sleep on a good day! I committed myself to a number of jobs, organizations, majors, friends, relationship, etc – and yet still had the nerve to complain every single day of how physically, mentally, and emotionally – exhausted I felt. But I thought, well, “I’m sure every college student feels this way…” But come almost three years post-grad, I continued to see this pattern play out in my day to day.

Now that I had a little more wiggle room with a set 9-5, my schedule consisted of dinners, long phone calls, grabbing drinks, helping friends move, etc. Though, that may all sound normal and like a good time, I would agree to go out even on nights when I was mentally checked out. The only thing on my mind was REST. But I thought, “well I can’t just say no or not answer my phone because what kind of friend is that?”

UPON LATER REFLECTION, I FINALLY REALIZED THIS IDEOLOGY WAS TROUBLING (but this was not for a while).

About 6 months ago, my mom noticed how run down I sounded from our conversations over the phone and warned that one day all of the constant go-go-go would catch up to me. She would also tell me that I made myself too available for certain friendships, that once again, she saw me take on problems that weren’t my own.

You know the saying, “Don’t take on more than you can chew”? Well this was my specialty. But if this has also been your method of tackling things, I am here to tell you there is going to be point where your body or mind will wear down. One flu and literally 5 weeks of recovery, later… I had a lot of time to reflect. Staying in bed, for three weeks straight, kind of does that to you, ha! Anyway, I came to the realization, that even though I had time management down to a T, I failed myself in energy management. I always checked off all items on my list, yet forgot to check-in with myself from time to time. For years, I had pushed to be everywhere at once, yet I was rarely ever present. 

And although I know many people catch the flu, 5 whole weeks down and out is not that common. I truly believe it was my body and mind screaming for help.

I had to learn to say “no.” And this concept was hard for me, because resting at home felt like I was sitting idle, as if I was wasting time. Especially being the extrovert I am, I thrive being around people so rejecting a friend’s invite, felt as if I was rejecting the friendship.  But clearly I had it wrong.

I had to be selfish for my own well-being.

Now a days, I feel replenished! I now prefer staying in vs going out. I’ve accepted that I am not this machine that can constantly, do.

I know many of us experience FOMO or want to be everywhere all at once but my advice is to put yourself first and rest your energies as you would your body. Prioritize people and events and allocate your energies wisely. Do not just give, give, give and be so willingly available to others because one day your energies will be depleted and that my friends, is a very empty feeling. I’d recommend to write down your social events as you would with meetings so you can do an overview of how many days you’ve set aside for yourself vs how many days you’ve set aside for other people. If you find it that it is half and half I would suggest to reconsider at least one of those days for yourself whether that means you find a new hobby or a new show on Netflix. For me, I became a plant mom. Just as we go green to cleanse our ecosystem, we too, need to find clean sources of energy.

Wishing you all the best in your energy management journey! If you have implemented this in your life, I’d like to know, how have you done so? (Comment below) Xo

 

 

 

 

The Importance of Journaling

Sometimes when we think of keeping a journal, the “Dear Diary” entries we made in middle school might come to mind. Remember those days when we would admit our school crush or most embarrassing moments? I definitely do! Although I have kept up with a daily planner, I myself had been skeptical on a daily journal. Did I really have the time to reiterate the same thoughts and feeling I had shared throughout the day with friends and family?

But then I started to think, what was the purpose of writing in my diaries growing up? I still shared with friends back then but there was an added bonus in making entries that only my eyes would see. When journaling, the hustle and bustle of our everyday life remains still, if even for those moments, calling a wandering mind to attention – from chaos to actively working through our thoughts.

Sharing our thoughts aloud to our loved ones isn’t merely enough. Journaling brings you into this state of mindfulness, allowing you to be still. Designed for self-reflection, habit tracking, goal-setting, daily reminders, and inspiration. It is essentially a catalog into your personal achievements, both big and small, in which you have to refer back to.

Journaling gives you the ability to share your current frustrations and future anxieties, ambitions and goals, ones that may  even be too scary to share aloud; they essentially lose their edge in the present moment.

Here are the five benefits I’ve received through journaling.

  1. Accountability
    • Whether the subject be: diet, exercise, waking up earlier, limiting our alcohol intake per week, budgeting, etc. it is hard to keep track of our progress from atom. I am the type of person who will not take accountability or even notice for certain habits, unless they are recorded. Why is this? Because I have the worst memory ever!
      • As an example, this past year, I gave myself 2 allowances to eat out per week. Although few, there were times where I maxed my weekly allowance in one day. I noticed that the weeks when I slipped up, also happened to be the times when I failed to journal. On those days when I decide to grab food, (in my mind), I hadn’t ate out for a while, but in all actuality, when I referred back to my journal, I picked up a bagel (lets say for breakfast) just the day before.
  2. Manifesting
    • As you write and rewrite your goals daily, they allow you to review and hone in on what is important to you. The repetition of your aspirations, will eventually become ingrained into your subconscious mind. It will hopefully consume you and motivate you to act to make them your reality.
      • My 2017 New Year’s Resolution was to become more active. In the prior year, I failed to take the necessary steps in order to do so. Come Jan 2017, not only did I write down my weekly goal of working out 5x a week, but I also jotted down my workout routine for each day, along with a line for  a check mark (which indicated completed). The satisfaction of checking it off my list, motivated me to get up and go! Only I had that power to complete this goal of mine, and with this constant visual reminder, I was more likely to get up and do so!
  3. Navigating through emotions
    • How many of us could say we’ve been scatterbrained at times? More often than not we are pulled in multiple directions. At least for me, my mind is usually in a thousands places all at once! I’ve realized that difficult times, don’t always come in the most convenient of times.
      • In the midst of my break up (a little over a year ago), I was in between apartments and job hunting. Whenever a friend asked me how I was doing, I would say to myself, “I’m okay, I really don’t have the time to be sad.” Which in my mind, I didn’t… I was busy. But it’s in times like these where journaling is vital. Journaling even 5 minutes a day, allows for us to share our feelings privately and then heal the thoughts that make us retreat and suppress. Actively engaging with your feelings will reduce the emotional scatter in your life…freeing you from the mental entanglement we tend to get caught up in.
  4. Creativity
    • There are so many days where I find myself starring at a blank computer screen, while the cursor flashes, reminding me that I haven’t typed a word yet. Even if I have so many ideas in my head, there are times when nothing can be articulated. This in when I’ve found journaling exceptionally useful. With journaling, you can literally start off with a doodle, a word, or a phrase.  We can write freely, without thinking, really. This is just a way of unlocking our creative juices. I’d go so far as saying that journaling is a flashlight for my ideas. Within minutes, I usually am able to quickly grab my computer and write out a paragraph or two.
  5. Learning gratitude
    • It’s easy for us to come home exhausted after a full day. Especially when we have even more work to do around the house.
      • I’ve found that just spending a few minutes to jot down what you are grateful for within that day, truly helps shift your perspective. You may see that your not-so good day was pretty good after all.

 *“You don’t need to buy a fancy personal journal to record your entries in, worry about spelling or grammar, or even make fully thought out sentences. If you have not discovered these benefits for yourself, I challenge you to start tonight!

 

No such thing as Chaos?!

Chaos is a word we attribute to situations which are beyond our grasp or comprehension.

I’m sure we’ve all had a time in your lives, when simply put, just felt like a series of unfortunate events.

In these times of disruption, we tend to ask ourselves, “Why did this have to happen?!”

We like continuity in our lives. We like order, it’s almost as if we demand it.

Just when we think we have grabbed life by the horns, BOOM! Blind sighted and all, “chaos” derails our personal expectations and normalcy.

And, while continuity in life is an illusion, we still tend to believe that when things go awry…we are truly in the midst of pure chaos.

I, out of all people, must constantly be reminded that, everything happens for a reason…in its own timing.

Oftentimes, when an unexpected outcome is presented to us, our immediate reaction is to respond. To sit idly and not “do” is something many of us are not comfortable with. But our tendency in wanting to know everything that’s going on is detrimental to our mental health. We grow impatient and forget to merely experience this unknown state. Sometimes we have to learn to leave things alone and let whatever “that reason” is, manifest higher order in our lives.

If it were not for the bad, we would not know its contrast.

For us Millennials, I think the most prevalent example of this is in our post grad careers. Many of us are still trying to climb the totem pole. Sometimes a killer opportunity seems to knock at our door and… suddenly, it’s gone. We question it. We then self doubt. And more likely than not, we begin to panic.

But as we all know, there is an ebb and flow of life. We will never remain in this stagnant state. As much as we’d like to know everything that life will throw at us, it is simply not realistic. We have to trust in the process. Once we learn how to put forth trust in these trying time, I think ultimately, we will begin to see that all things work together for the better good…BUT only to those who work with them.

Once we learn how to truly go with the flow, we will begin to understand life’s rhythm, working and resting along side of it. When things seem chaotic and out of control, we have to remember that God or whatever higher power you believe in, is still in charge. We sometimes worry about what’s happening to us because we genuinely do not know what is best. But God (or whoever) does.

And although, I am still struggling with this understanding, I think ultimately, once attained, we see the pieces of the puzzle begin to come together, each unfolding into a meaningful future.

We have to take the good with the bad. Our victories and struggles are essentially building blocks into a destined life.

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Once we accept and reflect upon this “chaos” we will usually see why it had to happen the way it did!

“You can’t connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something – your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever. This approach has never let me down, and it has made all the difference in my life”- Steve Jobs

 

 

 

 

How to End a Toxic Relationship

Toxic relationships come in many shapes and forms. I’d say, it’s pretty safe to assume that many of us have been in one at some point or another. They are destructive and poison our health and well-being from the inside-out.

I’m clearly not a relationship expert but from shared experiences with friends over the years, there is the commonality that we often times stay in certain relationships longer than we should. There seems to be great difficulty in acknowledging/recognizing that we are in an unhealthy situation. I think the reason for this is because we like to minimize and justify the current state of the relationship while we fixate on what was. I mean, “love” in any capacity has the potential to be blinding. Thus, walking away is the hardest part.

It’s only natural that we have the desire to sustain any relationship that we’ve invested time, emotion, and effort into because the thought of letting go of all of that can be intimidating. But what I’ve learned is that it is okayyyy to admit that a relationship has run it’s course. The most liberating feeling is breaking free from the toxicity and starting fresh. But of course, there is no “easy” way around this.

I think there is this blurred line (which could be called denial) between a relationship going “through a rough patch,” and a relationship turning toxic. Once you find yourself feeling emotionally exhausted more often than not, this is a clear indicator of the relationship’s demise. Not to mention, it is very likely, you too, are dishing this same negativity onto your partner.

I found it helpful to journal those days where I felt down and look back as the week progressed.

I would ask myself, “am I a happier person since this individual has came into my life?” And most importantly, “Am I a better person because of this relationship?”

I had the hardest time answering these questions. But I had to be honest with myself.

I’ve noticed, we like to romanticize the relationship and our partner with hopes of tricking ourselves into believing we should stay and that we are fulfilled.

 Life is so damn short! Why waste time with any person who is inhibiting us from true happiness?

Cutting off a relationship can feel like an amputation, but it is very likely both parties will be better off .

As my mom likes to sing to me, “Let it go, let it goooo.” (Frozen Version)