How to Teach Your Man to be the IG Business Partner You Deserve: Our Story

Now, although this post is geared towards bloggers/content creators, I know many people outside of this whole influencer world are curious as to how this whole thing works. So in addition to spilling the tea on how we grew my account, I also wanted to share our tips on how your S/O can also become your business partner.

So before I continue, I have to give major props to my boo for growing into a role he did not ask for. Without him, none of this would have been possible. You believed in me before I even believed in myself and for that, I love you so much! YOU DA REAL MVP, BB!

Ah, so where should we begin!?

If you’re first starting out and have no idea where to start, don’t stress, because I was there…we were there! And I’d like to preface that although I’m referring to a significant other, these tips can hold true to any helpful person in your life.

Backstory:

Prior to bae and I dating, I had been blogging for half a year but only shared my posts with my inner circle of about 1K friends and family on Instagram.

Although, my blog views were low, each post fulfilled me more and more. Especially when I would receive messages that people actually resonated with my content… OMG, the best feeling in the world! I also felt creatively liberated after suppressing this side of me for so long. But, it wasn’t easy, y’all! I was simultaneously just as nervous to really open myself up and remain vulnerable on this platform, I was so used to posting random sh*t, like the fortune in my cookie that came with my Panda Express meal, not paragraphs on (for example) my journey dealing with anxiety, and the like. So with each post, I felt my walls go down, little by little.

So after half-heartedly blogging for 6 months, I finally decided to publish one of my most proudest pieces to date, “Why it is Okay to be Single”. I figured, I needed to give this blogging thing a true shot and put my entire soul into my writing. Coincidentally, this was published just a few days before my now bf, asked me on our first date.

Well, the rest was history! We were inseparable! One of the things I was attracted to the most about him, was his genuine interest in my passions and blog! He complimented my work and it was clear, he had read a few reads! In fact, he had been a food blogger for a while so we shared that common interest.

As our time together grew, so did our mini roadtrips. And since he has an eye for photography and landscape, he had asked me to pose for the camera a few times. And although, I’ve always been photogenic, I felt so awkward and uncomfortable, LOL. This was brand spankin’ new! I did not want him seeing my bad angles, ugly outtakes, etc! But weekend after weekend, he had encouraged me to shake the shyness off.

After a few months in, I remember us having this serious conversation about my intentions surrounding the blog and online presence.

Bae had hyped me up and really gave me the pep talk I needed to hear. In sum, he laid out the facts. He believed in my content, my creative talent, and potential brand but in order to see real growth, I needed to give this my allll and actually share it with the world, (not just the 1K followers on my private IG account.)

He vowed that he would do everything in his power to help me grow! BUT DAMMMNN, WHAT A CRAZY, WILD, STRESSFUL, BEAUTIFUL, JOURNEY ITS BEEN!! (We legit had no idea what we were in for!!)

The Beginning of Our IG/Content Curation Journey:

For starters, we really had no effing clue what we were doing.

On 2.05.18 we decided to try out our first curated post! This was the day, I made my profile public and one year ago to the date, I can say that day/decision was the first day of the rest of my life. I know, sounds dramatic but its so true!

In my caption, I let my followers know the shift of purpose I’d decided to make for my platform. It was my way of 1) holding myself accountable for all I had set out to do, but also 2) alerting my peeps that things would begin to look different.

Bae and I began utilizing our road trips as mini shoots. Both of us gravitate towards aesthetic photography so we just began to take shots that felt whimsical and pleasing to the eye!

At that point, what became equally important was learning/figuring out what editing software/style we liked. Bae introduced me to Adobe Lightroom and together, we learned the ins and outs of the program. I truly believe in creating a cohesive Insta feed through your editing but, at the beginning, it’ll likely take you some time to know what that exactly will look like. You can try out cool or warm toned photos, colorful, black and white, etc. Some people buy presets from other creators to slap onto their every photo or you can go our route and create your own presets; either or!

But this photographer/subject relationship is the hardest part! At first, I felt awkward telling bae that I did not like a photo. But now, let me tell y’all, she does not hold back! Haha, ugh!

In the beginning, it’ll take you some time to develop a trusting relationship with your partner/photographer. Especially if your partner does not come from an artistic background, YOU WILL HAVE TO EXPLAIN WHAT YOU ARE LOOKING FOR. DON’T ASSUME. Even though bae enjoyed taking photos before, ya girl required a whole new level of expertise! SO, YOU WILL NEED TO TEACH HIM!

If you don’t know exactly what this is: I would suggest coming up with a mood board and showing your partner. What niche are you wanting to dabble into? Fashion, Lifestyle, Beauty, Fitness, Travel, etc… the possibilities are endless and with trial and error, you will find yourself gravitating towards one over the other.

So we decided to shoot every weekend at cool locations with some cool outfits that I had in my closet. In the meantime, I began engaging with accounts I found on my explore page and tried to build relationships via DMs with other aspiring content curators/bloggers.

Almost two months later, I landed my first collab. Now, this was the dopest feeling because it made us feel like we had been doing something right.

But with this, also came the pressures to provide service/quality to brands outside of the one we were trying to build for our own.  The bar of expectations were now raised and bae felt that. (Well the relationship did! Will elaborate in a bit)

Road to 10k:

As time passed, I began connecting with soooo many like-minded people! I decided to use the same unfiltered/authentic voice that I spoke in in my blog posts but now in my work over on IG. The more I did this, the more I felt like I was resonating with others. Like actualllly making an impact in someone else’s life, no better feeling! A couple months in, (still figuring out what the heck I was doing) a girl had confided in me in that her random stumbling across my content the night before, actually saved her from hurting herself. I was taken aback. That conversation really moved me.  What good would it be to just post photos? I needed to provide real relatable substance to those who came across my content. I began to feel like this was God’s way of telling me I was heading down the right path…that this was the purpose he had intended for me to live out. That 1 heavy, genuine message, turned into at times 120+ a day. I truly felt so incredibly blessed that my words and photos actually meant something to so many souls!

BUT. All of this correspondence takes time! SOOOO MUCH TIME!

And if you’re in a relationship, this is time away from the relationship!

We struggled with finding this balance for such a long period! This, I’d say is this second hardest part about being business partners with your S/O! It’s really about finding that right balance. But in order for this to work out, your partner must be truly understanding of the hard work this whole thing takes. But in order for your partner to truly understand this world, you must introduce him to it. Show him your stats, explain the pros and cons of this industry, what your intentions are for the passion and if then your partner is willing and all in, here are…

Ways your partner can support:

• Take his role seriously: 
  • Bae and I are celebrating today as OUR 1 year IG anniversary. The brand of “Jasmin Vanessa” has two heads behind it. He takes pride in all his efforts surrounding my IG, because he has also put his heart and soul into it! AND HE’S SEEN THE BENEFITS! We’ve been blessed enough to BOTH reap the benefits of complementary stays, dinners, amazing experiences, the opportunity to connect with so many people, creating amazing works of art, and just simply sharing each little milestone together.  If your man is talking crap about your passions, thank you, next! LOL JK… But seriously, your S/O may need some convincing, and thats totally okay! I suggest sharing your vision in its full potential! Map it out, create a powerpoint, buy him dinner on shoot days, just whatever you need to get them fully on board. Because at the end of the day, this is a career, and in just one year from now, your life may very well look 100% different! I know yours, does!

• Research:
  • Understand the dynamics in turning your IG account into a business.
  • Read business articles, study other content curators, watch YouTube vids, etc.
• Master an editing software:
  • + assist with edits
  • Bae and I worked together to create our own presets (which we hope to release in the near future)
• First, learn your preferred style of photography:
  • And show him! Practice makes perfect!
• Be your photographer.
  • THIS can be the trickiest part! We allll know how bratty we can get when we’ve been photographed in an unflattering angle! And sometimes if a friend takes a shot, we’ll joke or mask our frustration. But when it comes to family members or S/O, most of us will say it as it is. I saw a meme recently that said: *Me after my man takes my photo, “Ew, I hate this photo!!” *Him to me: “What do you want me to do about it, thats how you look!!” HAHA. Some days will be easier than others but I def think this is an art form that can take years to master. I mean it makes sense considering, we as the influencer have a creative concept in mind and we are just hoping our partner can evoke that on the other side of the lens. It really is a symbiotic relationship that requires time and patience. What has helped us is positioning bae in the perspective I’d want him to shoot me in, I take the photo on my phone and he’ll study it and then refer back to cross reference while shooting me on his camera or phone.
• Be the listening ear you’ll need.
  • If your partner is out of the loop, the complaints or frustrations you have about this platform, will sound so ridiculous. But if your partner is as invested and knowledgeable in this as you are, they will not only be understanding but actually have the capacity to provide you insight, morale boosters, and hopefully constructive criticism.
• Give honest feedback:
  • I am such an indecisive person but having that reassurance or difference in opinion means everything to me!
  • I live for constructive criticism. I always want to know the areas I could improve on for the next time, so having that outsider perspective can really shape and mold your brand into something even greater.
• Assist in emailing brands:
  • Once you are at a point where you are working with brands, email correspondence can feel overwhelming. Especially when you are constantly negotiating your rates, getting campaign approvals, or just planning out your sponsored content for the month.
  • This is where you will make your money, so having your partner knowledgable in the business side of things can be a hugee help!

___

Today, one year later:

02.05.19. We are still wrapping our heads around this all! Just a little over a year ago, I knew I was called to do something more. God was tugging on my heart to ACT but I was just so scared to take that next step. I almost allowed fear of critique and the unknown to block me from one of the biggest blessings God had waiting for me. I truly believe if something is tugging at your heart and it scares TF out of you, it is not random, it is what you were called to do! I am so entirely grateful for every single soul who I’ve connected with this past year. And all I can say is THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU! Y’all have pushed me to become openly vulnerable, true to my authentic self, and just overall a better freaking person and I thank y’all for giving me so so much in such a short amount of time! I wake up every single day with the intent to create aesthetically pleasing content but most importantly, content that is of substance and content that will somehow shake up and challenge my little community for the better! Love y’all and thank you bae, for everything! I hope I can give just as much to y’all, as you have given me! XOXO

Living With a Significant Other

Hey, y’all! So bae & I have officially lived together for 3 months now but really 1 year (unofficially) so thought I’d answer some questions in full disclosure (because you know ya girl don’t lie) and just simply share my experience with it all!

So with the craziness of our 9-5s, we’ve taken a bit longer than expected to decorate our apartment but thankfully, we have just finished!!!! Yass, honey and we are obsessed! We originally were going for Scandinavian Monochrome with green accents, but somehow made our way to like a boho chic vibe!! Regardless, we finally feel like this is our HOME!

So gathering the decor is the fun part, y’all! We’ve turned so many trips to Homegoods and Hobby Lobby as day-dates, grabbed some hot chocolate beforehand, and literally shared the excitement of what each new piece would bring to our space.

I think this was such bonding experience for us because we both had ideas of what we wanted for the place and worked together to blend those visions into a reality.

But, its not always this fun! HA

Sooo let’s get down to the nitty gritty, shall we?!

1) Q: Are there more arguments now that you live together? And if so, is it normal roommate-type fights? 

A: Hmm! I wouldn’t say there are more than before, but what I can say is that some have become more petty! HA.

Example: “Babe! You took the last meal prep! Now I will have to eat out for lunch tomorrow!”

Example: “Babe! You forgot to leave on the lights for Baby Troy” (our pup)

Example: “Babe! When will you be finished playing your video games?” (You can probably guess who says this :P)

TBH, I’ve had some really BAD roommates in my day so our living situation is a piece of cake in comparison to those people LOL. But I think what is key, is understanding that healthy cohabitation is literally a TEAM EFFORT. If even one person slacks off, the once cohesive environment can and will eventually turn toxic.

2) Q: When you guys do fight, how do you deal with it? Do you give space or deal with it immediately? 

A:  Well, it really depends. In many of my past experiences, living with roommates = one big, fat passive-aggressive mess! Luckily, with us, we address any tension on the spot! I hate awkwardness more than anything so we try our best to address it ASAP. There have been a couple nights when we just rather sleep than talk things through, but generally, we like to avoid going to sleep upset.

3) Q: Is moving together something your parents approved of? Also, how did you tell your parents? 

A: My mom was on-board from the beginning. Although my dad died before he had the opportunity to meet bae, I’m pretty sure he wouldn’t have been opposed to it. And I say this because my parents moved in before marriage as well, ha! From the beginning, bae made his intentions clear…marriage! But as he knows that whole idea scares me (for now), he proposed us moving in together as the next logical step. Initially, I shared bae’s proposal to my mom about 6 months prior to moving. I toyed with the idea for a while and I think she was pleased with how I took my time in processing it all. She was also really fond of him at that point so we had that on our side. I think a parent will only be on-guard with cohabitation, if they sense a faulty relationship from the beginning or if one person has to sacrifice their quality of life for the move.

4) Q: How does your man feel when you have to dedicate more time to your blog/Instagram vs the relationship at any given point?

A: I feel so blessed to have a partner who truly understands this hustle. He was a food blogger prior to us getting together, so he had an idea of just how much time this crazy industry demands. But, what has taken time for both of us to learn is how to balance being roommates, significant others, and business partners. There are times, when one of the three areas suffer, but we have really fine tuned it in a way that works and fulfills us. I truly believe if he did not live with me and/or share similar passions, he would not understand the ins and outs and sacrifices us bloggers make to continue to do what we love.

But when we notice one area is slacking, we sit down and discuss and come up with a game plan on how we can rebalance it all. But it is A LOT of work! Especially when your boo, is your photographer, location scouter, editor, etc. I am very lucky to have found someone who just gets it!

5) Do you still feel the same giddiness you did when you would have sleepovers? 

A: Yes! I still get those butterflies in my stomach when I’m walking in the door and vice versa. I think the nights I feel it the most are when we have plans of doing absolutely nothing but Netflix and chill! Those little moments are the moments I live for.

____

So far, we’ve had a really positive cohabitation experience. We share similar tastes which help in many areas of our living situation, but as everything in life, it is not always rainbows and sunshine. There are days where the vibe seems completely off and others where everything feels just perfect. I think the most important thing is learning from every experience/day you share together as a couple. We have strived to make each month better and better and I am blessed to have found a partner willing to give me that 100% effort. So, I’d say the two key pieces of advice I’d give to anyone on the fence of moving in with their partner is 1) make sure you’ve taken the time to really get to know each other & 2) be sure you’ve chosen a partner who shares similar interests. Because ain’t nobody got time for a toxic and distant living environment. XO 

 

 

 

 

 

 

5 Ways To Keep Negative Energy Out Of Your Relationship

Heyyy guys! So with the demands of the 9-5, social media, our nation’s climate, and so on, it can be very easy to get sucked into these negative vortexes. Especially when you share your time with another person, it’s so important to understand how these negative energies can detract from the happiness within your relationship.

The spread of these negative energies invites toxicity, annoyances, and unhealthy behaviors into the dynamic. But through stimulating the flow of positive energies/practices, you’re creating an inviting and appealing environment.

Here are my top 5 favorite practices.

1. Pray/Meditate together

• If even for two minutes, pausing the chaos to center your thoughts can trigger the release of feel-good chemicals in the brain as well as calm the fight or flight reactions. For us, prayer is huge. We ask for direction and clarity but also extend our gratitude.

2. Identifying the negativity 

• Is the attitude, behaviors, tone, etc. caused from outside tensions (the media, work, friends, family) or is it stemmed from something occurring within the relationship? Regardless of the catalyst, it is important to acknowledge/pin-point the issue.

3. Address tension(s) then and there

• Super important! I am a firm believer in voicing what issues are at hand and working through them, ASAP. My biggest advice is not to go to sleep upset. We all know the couples who prefer to sweep issues under the rug vs confronting them head on with their partner. But this is soo problematic, because if you’re feeling your energetic connection is out of whack, it is likely that there is healing to do.
• When there is lack of resolution, this can slowly lead to the demise of a relationship. So all this to say, even if the conversation is uncomfortable, it’ll be worthwhile in the long run.

4.  Experience new adventures together

• I think the best way to free of negative energies is to travel! If you feel this thickness around you, plan a day-trip together and head that way. Seeing new stimuli is incredibly healthy. I know for us, our worries melt away once we see something new.

5. Build together

• Working towards a common goal helps create commonality and trust. Whether it is a passion project, DIY home fix, or even the desire to move up in your respective companies… depending on each other for support, creates a focus for an even stronger dynamic/bond. For us, my boo is my photographer and go-to for shoots, blog ideas, etc. He believes in my content just as much as I do, and we work together everyday in attempts to build my social media presence.

 

*Okayyy, enough blabbering. I hope these tips are helpful and provide some sort of relationship Feng Shui or Spring (welll, Summer) cleaning of your relationship interactions. 

How Being With the Right Partner Should Boost Your Confidence

Recently I had a conversation with an old friend which compelled me to write this piece.

As we were catching up, she was expressing how happy she was to see me happy. And not the fake illusion of happiness some of us display on social media, but the recent genuine confidence she saw in my smile the few times I’ve posted with my man. She explained that before in my past relationship, she sensed “something was just off.” And she was right. As I mentioned in previous posts, I was not in a healthy relationship. In simple terms, we just were not the right fit for each other, and to almost overcompensate for what we lacked, I guess, I tried to convince myself and others (through my posts) that things were alright. And this is something, I think that many of us have unknowingly done at one point or another. It’s just that some people are able to call “BS” on this illusion we put out. Back then, I felt as if my passions were not important. My ambitions were knocked down at times and hence, the value I thought I brought to this world was suppressed. I began to analyze myself differently and double think on essentially anything I stood for.

I was not only lacking confidence on an individual and creative level, but also on a relational level. When there is instability and uncertainty in the relationship, it is hard to  maintain confidence in the relationship. You wonder how much longer either one of you can take.

I think it is not only important to be with someone who is supportive in all of your ventures, but also with someone who shares the same interests and morals as you. In this way, your partner can appreciate the avenues you decide to take on and even find enthusiasm in joining you in some of them! In addition, finding a partner whom you have built stability and cohesiveness with, enables an environment where both partners can feel fulfilled and assured. When your thoughts and feelings are validated, you are reminded that you are important and cared for, thus your partner is helping nurture the relationship.

In short, my friend was right! In retrospect, I feel so much more comfortable in my own skin than ever before. And although, this process begins within, meeting the right person can most definitely compliment and boost your overall morale.

How to Tell if He’s Really That Into you

It usually starts out something like this: *Screenshots convo* and attaches it to the group thread along with this question, “sooo this means, he’s into me, right?” Hoping for validation… us girls, love to analyze. 

A while back I wrote a piece on why it is okay to be single. I shared my transition into singlehood and openly discussed how that decision facilitated self-love. The purpose of the piece was to encourage any person who was in an unfulfilling situation, to embrace the idea of being alone.

I truly believe once you free yourself from the wrong kind of people, you will simultaneously be creating room for the good kind. Ironically, SOON after that piece was written, I began seeing a special someone.

Can you imagine, having made plans one week ahead with a girl who literally posts such a piece just days before your first date?

Today, I can honestly say, the past number of months have felt like a dream! Never did I think that I’d 1) be in a relationship at this point and 2) that that relationship would be the best relationship I have ever known.

From the get-go, he laid his intentions with me out of the table. I was not left questioning or guessing what he felt towards me. I did not experience that limbo, I had usually felt with every situation I was previously involved in.

Dating will show you many things but especially the great lengths someone will go when they are interested in you and of course the contrary. Navigating through this time can be tough! The question narrows down to: Who is a waste of time and who is an investment? And although I am an advocate of singlehood, I also want to express how it is okay to date and give your time and energy to a person, BUT only if he is showing you the listed behaviors below!

Maybe you’re enjoying his company, but his lack of effort or consistency, is concerning.

Maybe you’re opening up to the idea of being with him, but you’re worried about getting your heart broken, so you need the signs or reassurance that this has serious potential.

Or maybe you just don’t know what to call the current situation you are in, and would like to know once and for all: Are you casually dating or exclusive?

I can truly say this was the most seamless and genuine dating experience I’ve ever had. This being the case, I will list the main signs that a guy gives, when he is serious about you. 

 

1. He will tell you.
   • Simple. And I don’t mean subtly, either. He will be clear and direct. Somewhere along the lines of: “Hey, these are my intentions with you…” xyz.
2. He will take the initiative to make plans with you IN ADVANCE. 
   • And I don’t mean Netflix and Chill or “what do you want to do tonight?” We deserve much better than this! I’m talking about days, or even weeks out! Oh, and none of this “lets meet there,” crap. If he offers to pick you up, do that! Let him treat you like the lady you are!
3. He will give you attention & lots of it!
   • You won’t have to worry about sending those double texts, or not hearing back from him for hours on end. He will continue to add to the conversation. Why? Because he enjoys talking with you. And for the times he’s tied-up, he will communicate that with you!
4. He will surprise you. 
   • Whether it be with a date night, your favorite candy, a visit to your work, etc…he will go out of his way to put a smile on your face.
5. He will be mindful.
   • He will be delicate with how he talks with you. He will be self-aware of his tone, jokes, and attitude.
6. He will stimulate you…
   • And not just sexually! I’m talking about stimulating your mind and soul. Sharing ideas, jokes, dreams, aspirations, etc. Basically he will share his most intimate thoughts, beyond the surface level.

*Whew! Now, although this list is not all inclusive and arguably subjective, my hopes are to help steer women into the right direction. If he is not showing you any of these signs, I’d say you can’t afford it. Our energies should be on strict budgets! If it is not serving you at the highest potential, you don’t have that time to waste. All this to say, dating can be all too complicated, but if it is a genuine match, it won’t be. It will feel easy and develop organically!

Xo!

Why it is Okay to be Single

 Dating…oh the joys! As many of us singles are navigating through our 20’s, we are bound to face the inevitable question of, “why are you still single?” I believe that this societal pressure to find a mate has inadvertently pushed the idea that being single is unfavorable, so it’s easy for us to fall into that habitual line of thinking.

 

But aside from outside influences, there is the fundamental human need of companionship. The idea of being alone, can seem like an uncomfortable thought.

 

During the demise of my past relationship, the thought of being alone scared the hell out of me. I had shared every moment with that person; the good, the bad, and the ugly…how would I be able to manage all that life throws at us, without him?

 

The thought of starting over again, almost scared me into staying in an unfulfilling/toxic situation. And as ridiculous as that sounds, I know I am not the only one who has considered this. I’ve met countless of individuals who have admitted to staying with their partner for convenience and emotional security.

 

I mean, there are so many benefits of having a companion in life. A true partnership can enhance quality of life, giving more meaning to one’s existence. One of the best feelings in the world is knowing that you have someone you can rely on, someone with a listening ear, a shoulder to cry on. But what happens when that partnership is no longer fulfilling or compatible?

 

I went into singlehood extremely reluctant and bitter. I loved being in a relationship. But I made a decision early on. I could a) feel bad for myself or b) use this time to discover who I am as an individual and figure out what gives my life meaning and purpose. I decided on the latter.

 

And it was in that moment that my perspective on singlehood shifted. This is where the quote, “Don’t be bitter, be better,” applied to my life. I began to embrace and enjoy my solitude, realizing that in doing so, I was more likely to make better choices about who I decided to spend my time with.

 

I now had the time and energy to invest solely on myself. Over a year later, I can honestly say that I have thoroughly enjoyed being single. I am a much more fulfilled person today, than I was a year ago. I think in order to sustain a healthy relationship with another person, you must first, create one with yourself.

 

I also think it is important to remember that we can also find companionship outside of romantic means; whether that may be in relationships with friends, family, pets, and most importantly, yourself. Learn to be your own bestfriend. Learn to love your time with yourself.

 

So next time someone asks you, “why are you still single?”… I say to embrace that freedom. Personally, I’ve responded with, “because I can be and it is actually a lot of fun.” IT IS OKAY TO BE SINGLE. In fact, I encourage it! 

 

This is our time to be selfish. Make yourself a priority! Nurture yourself and your energy, explore your interest and passions.

Don’t get me wrong, I truly believe in soul mates and in time, we will all find our person – but until then, learn to fall in love with yourself! 

Uncensored Guide to Understanding Women

With the surge of mobile dating apps, looking for love in this digital age, can seem utterly impossible. I mean, when there are a plethora of options just waiting at your fingertips, it’s no wonder that we encounter so many individuals who make a piss poor effort in creating real relationships. And although there are plenty of us who aren’t on dating apps, I argue this culture of convenience and the paradox of choice has influenced our dating experiences in some adverse way. On the contrary, when we meet someone who puts forth the effort and time, it likely feels like a breath of fresh air.

In fact, I’d go as far as saying there is this general lackadaisical dating ideology. Why put forth true effort into a person when there will always be more options? It’s almost as if this burden of choice has taught us to treat each other like disposable objects, rather than beings who feel.

My girlfriends and I are constantly sharing our experiences, discussing what we like and don’t like when it comes to dating and often times we find ourselves saying, “If only we could make a PSA about this!”

Well….this post is by no means intended to bash on men, but rather a guide into women’s dating preferences.

I can’t even count the amount of times, I’ve heard men say, “Women are so complicated, what even pleases you guys?”

So, I conducted a small survey to gather varied responses from ladies my age.

The question posed: Based off of your dating experiences, what male behaviors do you appreciate/can do without?”

Appreciated behavior:

1. When plans are made 
   • Whether it be a formal dinner date or even a casual hang out, taking the initiative – shows us that there is interest and direction in the “relationship”
2.  Manners, chivalry, compliments
   • “Please” and “thank yous”  – aka basic etiquette can go a longgg way.
   • It’s actually quite refreshing when doors are opened, the meal is paid for, and when pleasant comments are given.
3. Tons of eye contact/ not easily distracted
   • It is especially appreciated when phones are kept tucked away during the date
4. Remembering the little things 
   • This is just a simple indicator that you’ve taken the time to listen.
5. Reciprocity 
   • Returning the kindness in any capacity is so attractive!
6. Common courtesy/open communication
   • MAJOR KEY!!!
   • Letting us know if you can’t make it out for dinner or whatever the plans are, totally okay!
   • Expressing your feelings and intentions towards the “relationship”…yaaas!
   • Being vulnerable and open in sharing personal details/struggles

Behavior we can do without:

1. Surface level conversations
   • Regardless of the extent of the “relationship,” this is a huge red flag. If you’re not concerned with getting to know who your “partner” is on a deeper level, then that’s a clear indicator of your intentions.
2. Flakiness
   • Don’t be that person who commits to something, then changes plans last minute. What is especially infuriating is when it is done without notice. If you can’t make it, don’t commit.
3. Not responding in a timely manner 
   • THIS! THIS! THIS! The way you communicate with someone is very indicative of how you prioritize them in your life. If you’re into someone, you’ll find the time to respond to them, appropriately.
   • And if you’re going to be tied up throughout the day, a simple text will suffice.
4. Lack of self-awareness 
   • This can be so apparent in literally the first minute of a conversation.
     • (e.g.) Mentioning your ex on the first date
       • Taking up the entire conversation
       • Speaking as if you’re hanging out with the boys
5. Insecurities
   • We all know that people who are insecure tend to sabotage a healthy relationship…
   • I’ve met multiple men who have openly admitted to suddenly ending a “relationship,” solely because “it was going toooo well.”
6. Social media etiquette
   • If you are single and dating, there is no reason why you should still have posted pictures with your ex…not cute
   • Liking and commenting on other girls’ photos while actively seeing someone else

Whoo! Fellas! Now that you’ve heard the ladies’ input, my hopes are that you’ve somehow been enlightened. You may disagree with some of the points listed, and that’s totally fine, but the aim of this post was to visualize the dichotomy of dating behaviors. Hope this helps 🙂

How to End a Toxic Relationship

Toxic relationships come in many shapes and forms. I’d say, it’s pretty safe to assume that many of us have been in one at some point or another. They are destructive and poison our health and well-being from the inside-out.

I’m clearly not a relationship expert but from shared experiences with friends over the years, there is the commonality that we often times stay in certain relationships longer than we should. There seems to be great difficulty in acknowledging/recognizing that we are in an unhealthy situation. I think the reason for this is because we like to minimize and justify the current state of the relationship while we fixate on what was. I mean, “love” in any capacity has the potential to be blinding. Thus, walking away is the hardest part.

It’s only natural that we have the desire to sustain any relationship that we’ve invested time, emotion, and effort into because the thought of letting go of all of that can be intimidating. But what I’ve learned is that it is okayyyy to admit that a relationship has run it’s course. The most liberating feeling is breaking free from the toxicity and starting fresh. But of course, there is no “easy” way around this.

I think there is this blurred line (which could be called denial) between a relationship going “through a rough patch,” and a relationship turning toxic. Once you find yourself feeling emotionally exhausted more often than not, this is a clear indicator of the relationship’s demise. Not to mention, it is very likely, you too, are dishing this same negativity onto your partner.

I found it helpful to journal those days where I felt down and look back as the week progressed.

I would ask myself, “am I a happier person since this individual has came into my life?” And most importantly, “Am I a better person because of this relationship?”

I had the hardest time answering these questions. But I had to be honest with myself.

I’ve noticed, we like to romanticize the relationship and our partner with hopes of tricking ourselves into believing we should stay and that we are fulfilled.

 Life is so damn short! Why waste time with any person who is inhibiting us from true happiness?

Cutting off a relationship can feel like an amputation, but it is very likely both parties will be better off .

As my mom likes to sing to me, “Let it go, let it goooo.” (Frozen Version)